Life Is A Highway

I love that song "Life is a Highway". I have found that it is fairly true too. I seem to be traveling down this winding road and wondering where it is going to take me. There seem to be a lot of curves so that I can't see the end but I have a feeling it is going to get smoother for at least a bit here soon.

I have found a job that I really enjoy. I even turned down a potentially better paying job just so that I could keep this one. I just couldn't see myself trying to hock insurance to people who can't afford it but also can't afford to be without it. I think I will just stick to selling gas at the local truck stop. I meet a ton of interesting people here and really love my hours. Working graveyards seems to really agree with me. I never was a day person anyways. I really enjoy working there but find amusement in how scatterbrained some of the truckers I meet really are. I have had truckers asking me what town they are in, what time it is, and my personal favorite: "how much do I owe ya"? "What pump were you on sir?" "I'm not sure...that one out there" LOL!! Like that tells me anything people!! I was surprised to find out how many foriegners there are driving these days. It seems like half the boys who come in to the store can't speak english. It makes me wonder why some of the locals I meet can't get the gumption up to get a job...but I am not going there tonight.



The others I meet at work that late at night are the locals coming in for some snacks after Papa Mike's closes. That is the local bar. I have several regulars that know my name and I their's and we are friendly. I also have one who is slightly insane. Last time he was in he asked if I would dance naked on the pizza I was making him. He calls me "Red Rooster Girl" and can never remember meeting me from one weekend to the next. Lets just say that this man is NOT my favorite regular.



I am still not so sure about this dating scene though. My divorce is final but I can't seem to enjoy having men hit on me and I am terrified of actually telling one of the men who keep asking me out yes. I worry that if I were to say yes I would just been looked at as a means to get laid. I have no interest in that at the moment and never have so I think that it is futile.



I am sort of seeing this one guy though. He is really sweet but he is younger than I by 8 years and I worry about what my family will think of him. He is not really normal according to the family standards. He is still young enough he finds amusement in belching and farting. He wears multiple earrings, and changes his hair color often. I am sure that if we can work out our differences we will be friends for a very long time, but my family comes first. Granted, they approved of my first (and only) husband, but their opinion is still of utmost importance to me.



I am finally back in a place I can call my own now though. I was really chafing under being told what to do by my sister in law while staying with her and my brother. I love that they were so supportive of me until the end but I couldn't get used to being bossed like a child. I have been too on my own for too long to have put up with it for too much longer. I couldn't very well say no though since they were letting me stay with them and all. It is just nice to finally be able to breathe again.

I am also making some good friends here in my new home. There are several of the gals round here that I am hanging out with and there is part of me that is really enjoying learning how to just be me. We have fun and either stay in or go out and cause trouble in our own little way. One of our favorite things to do is go to Wal-Mart and scope out "hotties" and then go into the next aisle and talk about them..just loud enough for them to hear us. Ok, so that may sound lame to some of you but when your young...you can find all sorts of things to make you laugh and feel good.



Well, I need to get back to cleaning carpets. The last tenets of this place left it trashed (literally)and it is apparent that they didn't really know how to properly clean a place either. I have been painting and scrubbing for over two weeks now in between shifts at work and hopefully I will be done soon. The last tenets were so mad at being evicted that they smeared poop on the walls and left a dog in this house to die. I am just glad that she survived. They even called a mutual friend of ours and bragged about all the damage that they did. Other peoples kids!! I tell you what..I am not sure what they were thinking but I am not sure they were doing much of it at the time. I am just hoping that I calmed the landlady down enough that she isn't going to press charges. They would have both ended up in jail and that wouldn't have solved anything in the long run.

Busy Busy Busy

I have had a crazy year so far to say the least. Things went so bad so fast that I had no time to prepare for it but they are starting to level out for sure. My husband and I are definitely split up for the good of all concerned, even my kids are happier, or they would be if they were allowed to live with their mother as they wish but the divorce is not going to end up that way unfortunately. I am going to try to get them back into my care as soon as I can but that is going to take time.

Did you know that jobs are nearly impossible to find when you have this VERY large gap in your resume? I have been a stay at home mom (or domestic goddess as I prefer to be called) for 8 yrs now and having to battle that when looking for work is nearly impossible these days. Most places won’t even look at an application or resume much less consider a person for work unless they are already working. My biggest question is how this is fair to someone like me who is starting over in life and could really use a paycheck to help rebuild that life?!?

Let’s move on to another subject since the job one seems to upset me right now. Let’s try men. Did you know that there are more men on the planet than the one I was married to? I didn’t know that for many years and now, well now I just don’t care. I took off my wedding ring and seemingly there was a memo sent out on the man network saying FRESH MEAT or something but I just can’t help but think NO WAY to that. There are days I fear that since my heart is so damaged there will never be any true way to repair it.



GRRRR ok, that seems to be another bad topic. I have also been dealing with having to start over completely when it comes to stuff for my house. I allowed my husband to keep everything since he managed to keep my kids and they would need it. I am having to rebuild everything from forks and spoons to towels and sheets. The only thing I kept from the house was my library (since he doesn’t read anyway) and my personal computer since he has his own.



I don’t really understand everything about divorce but it seems that after all this time, and with millions of people divorcing every year, then it should be easier somehow. I just feel so lost and alone most days that I am not sure whether I am coming or going. I am glad to be in a better place than I was in my marriage, but I have been part of a whole for so long I fear not being able to be a whole by myself. I have so many fears about being alone and not being able to cut it that I also fear the fear if that makes any sense. Ok, enough rambling from me for the day, a quick picture of my brother and myself at one of his wrestling shows for your viewing pleasure, and then I am going to retire from the online life for the day.

Welcome 2008

In the first Spiderman movie Spidie’s uncle Ben says “with great power comes great responsibility”. Those words have been running round and round my mind these last few weeks. Except with me they take sound like this: “with great responsibility you must have great power”. I know this doesn’t make any sense to anyone but it hopefully soon will.

I have these four amazing kids. They are my joy and my responsibility. They are also my greatest weakness. They have held me in a position, afraid to move, for years. I didn’t want to hurt them. Lately though, they are the ones in danger as well as myself, so now I must take action. I am going to find my power and get them out of what I have done to them.

Main Entry:
free·dom
Pronunciation:
\ˈfrē-dəm\
Function:
noun
Date:
before 12th century
1: the quality or state of being free: as a: the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action b: liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another : INDEPENDENCE c: the quality or state of being exempt or released usually from something onerous d: EASE FACILITY e: the quality of being frank, open, or outspoken f: improper familiarity g: boldness of conception or execution h: unrestricted use 2 a: a political right b: FRANCHISE PRIVILEGE
synonyms FREEDOM LIBERTY LICENSE mean the power or condition of acting without compulsion. FREEDOM has a broad range of application from total absence of restraint to merely a sense of not being unduly hampered or frustrated . LIBERTY suggests release from former restraint or compulsion . LICENSE implies freedom specially granted or conceded and may connote an abuse of freedom .

With the new year comes many changes. This blog with the new year will take new shape, new meaning. I will use it to document my battle for my heart and soul, for my children and myself. I will use it to chronicle the changes I undergo and the steps I take to be free. There is nothing that will stop me from becoming who I was destined to be, a free woman of sound mind and body. The poisoning of the past years will be healed from and I will rise like a phoenix from the ashes to begin again with my children at my side.

Personality By Dessert!

If all of the desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which would you choose (sorry, you can only pick one!).



Now don't cheat on this one, go with the first dessert you choose!!! Trust me....this is very accurate. Pick your dessert,
and then look to see what psychiatrists think about you.



Here are your choices:



1. Angel Food Cake

2. Brownies

3. Lemon Meringue Pie

4. Vanilla Cake With Chocolate Icing

5. Strawberry Short Cake

6. Chocolate on Chocolate

7. Ice Cream

8. Carrot Cake




No!!!!! you can't change your mind once you scroll down, so think carefully what your choice will be..............



OK - Now that you've made your choice this is what the research says about you...



SCROLL DOWN---









1 ANGEL FOOD CAKE -- Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being ch ildlike and immature at times.



2. BROWNIES - - You are adventurous, love new ideas, and are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.



3. LEMON MERINGUE -- Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.



4. VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING -- Fun-loving, sassy, humorous, not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.



5. STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE -- Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people, can be counted on in a pinch and expect the same in return. Intuitively keen. Can be very emotional.



6. CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE -- Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.



7. ICE CREAM -- You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.



8. CARROT CAKE -- You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.

If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment

If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

Coolest Thing On The Net Right Now

I know this is being shown all over the net and in many many emails..I think I have recieved half a dozen about it myself..but..I felt it was worth one more showing. I can see it spinning both ways..wonder what that says about me? Does it mean I am in balance within myself I wonder?

This silhouette wins the award for coolest thing we've seen all day . This is a little test that will tell you whether the left or right hemisphere of your brain is more dominant.

Concentrate on the woman's movement. If you see her spinning clockwise, that means you're using the right side, or more creative side of your brain. If she appears to be moving counter-clockwise, then that means the left side, or more logical side of your think muscle is superior.

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

A picture began circulating in November. It should be "The Picture of the Year," or perhaps, "Picture of the Decade." It won't be. In fact,unless you obtained a copy of the US paper which published it, you probably
would never have seen it.

The picture is that of a 21-week-old unborn baby named Samuel Alexander Armas, who is being operated on by surgeon named Joseph Bruner.

The baby was diagnosed with spina bifida and would not survive if removed from his mother's womb. Little Samuel's mother, Julie Armas, is an obstetrics nurse in Atlanta . She knew of Dr. Bruner's remarkable
surgical procedure. Practicing at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville , he performs these special operations while the baby is still in the womb.

During the procedure, the doctor removes the uterus via C-section and makes a small incision to operate on the baby. As Dr.Bruner completed the surgery on Samuel, the little guy reached his tiny, but fully developed
hand through the incision and firmly grasped the surgeon's finger. Dr.Bruner was reported as saying that when his finger was grasped, it was the most emotional moment of his life, and that for an instant during the procedure he was just frozen, totally immobile.

The photograph captures this amazing event with perfect clarity. The editors titled the picture, "Hand of Hope." The text explaining the picture begins, "The tiny hand of 21-week- old fetus Samuel Alexander Armas emerges from the mother's uterus to grasp the finger of Dr. Joseph Bruner as if thanking the doctor for the gift of life."

Little Samuel's mother said they "wept for days" when they saw the picture. She said, "The photo reminds us pregnancy isn't about disability or an illness, it's about a little person."Samuel was born in perfect health, the operation 100 percent successful.

Now see the actual picture, and it is awesome...incredible....

The Graveyard

Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetary. Scared and drunk, they decided to go there anyways. The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she took off her panties and used them to clean herself and discarded them. The second not finding anything either, thought "I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath to clean herself.

The morning after the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone and one says to the other:
"We have to be on the look-out, it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties..."
The other responded: "Your lucky,mine came home with a card stuck to her ass that read, 'We will never forget you'."

Boy Oh Boy

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

Bobbit Family Update

In a recent news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.

She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with......

?

?

?

?

?

A Misdewiener!

Teachers And Police Do Have Their Moments !

New York City Report Cards - These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, boy, are these funny!!!

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.


These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'
15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'
14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'
13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'
10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'
9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.'
8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'
6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'
5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'
3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'
2 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'


AND THE WINNER IS....
1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'

Great Recipe Idea

Your dinner will be the talk of the TOWN!!
You should try this!
Sure to bring smiles from your guests!
Here is a new way to prepare your Thanksgiving Turkey.

1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.
2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, position the foil carefully. (see attached picture for details)
3. Roast according to your own recipe and serve.
4. Watch your guests' faces...

Things You Should Know But Probably Don't

1. Money isn't made out of paper. It's made out of cotton.

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.

3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a "tittle".

4. A raisin dropped into a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8.The 'spot' on 7-UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.

9.On average,12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother & sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart & nervous system: a few ounces will kill a small-sized dog.

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.

16.Upper & lower case letters are named that because. in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

17. Leonardo DaVinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time, hence, multitasking was invented.
18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book, "Peter Pan"; there was never a recorded Wendy before!

21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!

22. Leonardo DaVinci invented scissors.. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

24. The mask used by Michale Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.

25.If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know).

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless).

27. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most-known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

29, Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!

30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it. I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS.

34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. OJ Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around. Osama Bin Laden, too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean and work in the yard, and they haul her off to jail."

A Really Bad Joke!

A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut the tail off of her cat which was hiding in the grass.

She rushed her cat, along with the tail over to WAL*MART!

Why WAL*MART???
v
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WAL*MART is the largest retailer in the world!!!

A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!'
So they walked in, and the Jamaican said, 'I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in... Dey make you wild at sex.

'The wife got really interested in buying the sandals, but the husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.
The husband asked the shopkeeper, 'How could sandals make you into a sexfreak?

'The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon. You doan haff to do nutting cept try dem on.

'So the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican began screaming, 'You got dem on da wrong feet! Mon, you got dem on da wrong feet!'...

The History of Manure

Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could(and did) happen.

Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with
the term "Ship High In Transit" on them, which meant for the sailors to
stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T " , (Ship High In Transport)which
has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.!
Neither did I.

I had always thought it was a golf term.

True E.R. Stories

FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva. eeewwwww.....

PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan , a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." which bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have drawn, I don't think). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside
her after a recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANY ONE? ----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (you'd do the same, I'm sure!)?!!. The concrete then hardened, (no sh*t Sherlock!), causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Boy - we live sheltered lives!)

BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.(Oh my gosh!!!)

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man. (Classy or what?). While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.

And you thought YOU were having a bad day!!!! I'm still laughing!!!!

How To Start Each Day With A Positive Outlook

1. Open a new file in your computer.

2. Name it "Hillary Rodham Clinton"

3. Send it to the trash.

4. Empty the trash.

5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of Hillary Rodham Clinton?"

6. Firmly Click "Yes."

7. Feel better.

PS: Next week we'll do Nancy Pelosi.

What does a HillBilly look like? Scroll down!

Florida State Trooper

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new
Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off
down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the
wind blowing through what little hair he had
left."Amazing, " he thought as he flew down I-75,
pushing down the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the state
trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren
blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.
Suddenly he thought,"What am I doing? I'm too old
for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's
arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the
Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift
ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday.
If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've
never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused, then said, "Years ago, my
wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought
you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

Take care and God Bless

Try Not To Cry

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy ? Is he going to be all right ? When can I see him ?"

The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't mak e it."

Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer ? Doesn't God care any more ? Where were you, God, when my son needed you ?"

The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son ? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. "Would you like a lock of his hair ?" the nurse asked.

Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter The letter said:

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say "I Love You". I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. Yo
u'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD ! And guess what, Mom!? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom ? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I neede d him ?' "God said He was in the same
place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool ? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that ?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.