I have had a crazy year so far to say the least. Things went so bad so fast that I had no time to prepare for it but they are starting to level out for sure. My husband and I are definitely split up for the good of all concerned, even my kids are happier, or they would be if they were allowed to live with their mother as they wish but the divorce is not going to end up that way unfortunately. I am going to try to get them back into my care as soon as I can but that is going to take time.
Did you know that jobs are nearly impossible to find when you have this VERY large gap in your resume? I have been a stay at home mom (or domestic goddess as I prefer to be called) for 8 yrs now and having to battle that when looking for work is nearly impossible these days. Most places won’t even look at an application or resume much less consider a person for work unless they are already working. My biggest question is how this is fair to someone like me who is starting over in life and could really use a paycheck to help rebuild that life?!?
Let’s move on to another subject since the job one seems to upset me right now. Let’s try men. Did you know that there are more men on the planet than the one I was married to? I didn’t know that for many years and now, well now I just don’t care. I took off my wedding ring and seemingly there was a memo sent out on the man network saying FRESH MEAT or something but I just can’t help but think NO WAY to that. There are days I fear that since my heart is so damaged there will never be any true way to repair it.
GRRRR ok, that seems to be another bad topic. I have also been dealing with having to start over completely when it comes to stuff for my house. I allowed my husband to keep everything since he managed to keep my kids and they would need it. I am having to rebuild everything from forks and spoons to towels and sheets. The only thing I kept from the house was my library (since he doesn’t read anyway) and my personal computer since he has his own.
I don’t really understand everything about divorce but it seems that after all this time, and with millions of people divorcing every year, then it should be easier somehow. I just feel so lost and alone most days that I am not sure whether I am coming or going. I am glad to be in a better place than I was in my marriage, but I have been part of a whole for so long I fear not being able to be a whole by myself. I have so many fears about being alone and not being able to cut it that I also fear the fear if that makes any sense. Ok, enough rambling from me for the day, a quick picture of my brother and myself at one of his wrestling shows for your viewing pleasure, and then I am going to retire from the online life for the day.
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